Let me share a letter that I wrote on May 7, 2018!
“It’s been a long wait. A tad too long. People say that I have a lot of patience. Deep down, I also feel so. But sometimes, enough is just not enough. Right now, I am broken. Completely shattered and down in the dumps. Despite giving everything I had in me, all I have got is a disappointment. Just disappointment. It seems that the sheer hard work of the one year reduced to nothing. Was my everything not enough? Maybe.
Results have been coming out every week and time and again I am getting failed and that too after a stupendous performance in the written exam. What is more saddening is that I don’t even know the reason for my failure. I gave my 100% throughout the selection process, be it Written exam, WAT, GD or PI. I left no stone unturned. Literally. But the results reveal a different story. It does not make much sense to me.
Life is so unpredictable. Never did I think after my written exam result that I would be reduced to this low. Tragic it is. At this point in my life, I see no light. Maybe things will be a lot better by the end of June when everything gets cleared, but right now, I can’t help myself getting around this feeling of being helpless. I have been carrying so much baggage for quite some time now. It’s not getting better. I have been optimistic all this while but fate! I don’t know what destiny wants to make out of me. Honestly, I want to give up now because I can’t keep dragging myself any further. It is really tough. Right now, I want to wallow in pain. Maybe that would help me shed some of my baggage.
I want to talk a lot, but I don’t speak much, and that’s why I write. For me, writing is a solace, and so, I bleed on paper because I don’t want to aggravate my pain.
It is getting tough for me. To wait over and over again. I can’t sit at home and do nothing but right now, that’s the only thing I am doing, though unwittingly.
To be honest, I have no idea where I am heading. I have no idea where I will be in the coming months. And this uncertainty is killing me, killing me badly. I want to try different things but I am just not able to focus on anything. And right now, I don’t want anyone harping positive words on me. I want someone to sit beside me and feel this pain, this anxiety. I want someone to get into my shoes. No more drama. Just reality. Yes, it is painful, and I want to feel this pain, and want someone to say yes, it’s painful. You are feeling it. I am feeling it.”
So, what is the dark secret of the CAT exam?
The dark secret is that it is damn unpredictable – The whole process, be it the written exam, WAT, GDPI, or the waitlist movement! You can never be really sure of what may happen in any particular year, and as a result, this unpredictability, uncertainty can sometimes reduce people to a tragic low because it really takes a lot of sweat to get through this exam and the process that follows.